Two weeks ago, I reached a milestone of submitting fifty job applications during one of the most challenging job markets since the COVID-19 pandemic. For over a decade, my leadership career had grown through a series of well-timed intersections, with opportunities presenting themselves in a dance of perfect succession. These opportunities invited me into meaningful work where I actively supported the systems that people depend on for healthcare. I naively believed my career possibilities were limitless due to this serial serendipity. My job search experience over the past four months deeply challenged that assumption. Suddenly it was as if I stepped into the Upside Down from the Netflix Series Stranger Things. In this strange world, a good reputation, a track record for achieving results at scale, academic success, awards, certifications, relationships in the industry, and a high-demand clinical degree felt meaningless in my quest to contribute as a leader again.
But, leadership is not a position. As I learned from my sister who is growing in her Taekwondo practice, the Black Belt is both a destination and a mindset for the lifelong practice. Similarly, while having a leadership position is often a desired destination, leadership is also a mindset. The time and space of sabbatical supported my decision to go back to school and finish my BSN after twenty years of nursing practice. It also allowed me to be grateful for what I already have as a registered nurse, and the possibilities for leadership within the clinical practice of nursing. Consequently, my last three job applications were for clinical nursing positions.
This sabbatical has given me the opportunity to reflect on what brought me into nursing two decades ago after my mom’s cancer journey, and my path into leadership. Four years ago, I sought the support of a leadership coach to build upon my leadership practice. At the time I was happy in my job, I had a great team that worked well together, and we were driving results. Yet I wanted to grow, and I was unclear about how to do that or what I wanted to be different. My coach challenged me to articulate a greater vision for myself, and while lacking specificity, the simplicity of “I am making my greatest contribution” became a guiding light for me.
Two years later, after reflecting on what energized me and what drained me in my work, I realized what was missing in making my greatest contribution. It was the personal one on one connection with people and supporting them in their moments of vulnerability. I set out to develop myself as a professional coach, convinced I would never build that purpose again through direct patient care. The skills of coaching have been tremendous gifts. I used to be very quick to educate and advise, practicing the therapeutic communication techniques I learned in nursing school while maintaining the position of expert. Coaching provided a new way of shedding my “expert” persona to be present and deeply listen to another human being. Honoring the person in front of me for their wholeness and knowledge in their own lives while simply asking them the questions that bring forth their own inner knowing has changed the way I listen. Today, I know that a leadership mindset and a coaching mindset together bring limitless potential to my nursing practice.
Last week I interviewed for a clinical nursing position in a medical oncology clinic. My lived experience walking through cancer with my mom and my brother deepened my sense of purpose as I began the interview. Despite my ten years away from the bedside, examples from my bedside nursing experience flowed through me easily and the interviewers responded well. They seemed to “get me”. Despite my confidence in the interview, and my excitement about the job, within twenty-four hours I convinced myself that a younger candidate with more oncology experience would get the offer over me. When I received a call for another interview in oncology with a different organization the next day, I scheduled the interview as quickly as possible figuring I needed a contingency. On Friday afternoon I received an offer that exceeded my expectations to serve the people of the medical oncology clinic.
I have taken the weekend to meditate on my career journey and savor the moment that will mark the final weeks of my sabbatical. On Monday, I will say yes to the offer, and respectfully decline the interview for the other position. After four months of sabbatical and 50 job applications, I am renewing commitments to my core value of balance and to the nursing profession. Today, I know that committing to work where I can walk with people during their greatest health challenges with a leadership mindset is my greatest contribution. That is the bird in the hand. With gratitude for the journey and the clarity that sabbatical has enabled, I am ready to embrace the next chapter with renewed purpose and dedication.
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